It's happened - we've officially moved! Head on over to GoAskHaley.com! Thanks everyone!
- Dr. O.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
The Big Move
It was only a matter of time before it happened. Within the next couple of weeks, GAH! will be moving to WordPress.
I eagerly await the opening of my new website, but I must warn you that it won't be an overnight process. I plan to make the new website infinitely better than this one! Please be patient; it will pay off...
Get ready for big changes.
-Dr. O.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Reader question: Is taking a guy's virginity a big deal?
Q: I was hoping you could give me your thoughts on my situation. I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. He's perfect in every way. He's a fourth year medical student and very good to me. With him being so busy we still go on a couple dates a week. And spend the night about 3-4 a week.. We have amazing passion and connection. He's a virgin. He's been waiting for so long bc of religious reasons, we both grew up Mormon, so I can relate to waiting for marriage but I've been having sex for several years. We both don't go to church or believe much of it anymore. This past weekend we went away for a trip and then of course had sex. (he packed the condoms) What are your thoughts on taking a guys virginity? I feel its a big deal for us? Thoughts? Thank you!
--Anonymous
A: First of all, you spent the night 3 to 4 nights a week for a while and STILL managed to not cave into sex? Good for you! ;-) So now you've had sex--but, oh? What's this? He was a virgin before? I know what you must be feeling, but is it really a "big deal?"
Yes and no. It's exciting, but, alas, not the end of the world. Girls have so many reservations about taking a guy's virginity, when in reality, nobody should feel guilty as long as they didn't pressure or force someone into sleeping with them. As responsible twentysomethings who had sex within the bounds of a (hopefully) loving and committed relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you did. You used protection, you both wanted it, and hell, you waited, which is more than most people can say. Of course, the only caveat I have is this:
While this ain't YOUR first rodeo, your boyfriend is probably going to experience a unique sense of attachment considering that you were his first. Of course, every guy is different, but older guys who wait are generally more sensitive than the guys who are taking girls into the empty gym during lunch in 8th grade. This bond that forms between the mature, virgin guy and his counterpart, whether virgin or not, is strong. Even if you break up, he will never forget you, and it will likely be much harder for him to let you go because he was a virgin. This attachment could manifest itself in many ways during the relationship itself or may be hardly noticeable. And like I said, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just be prepared.
However, maybe you're not so worried about his potential attachment as you are about the religion thing. I don't know, though, because it more or less seems as if you've detached yourself from the church. Look, as an agnostic, I can't offer much in the way of religious guidance. In MY personal, secular belief, what you two did couldn't be wrong in the slightest. But if either of you are feeling guilty in any way, then it should be brought up and talked through.
Overall: try and continue the relationship with an open mind and enjoy having sex with someone you love. There's nothing wrong with it. The real questions should be rolling in if shit gets weird. DO let me know if that happens, please!
Best,
--Dr. O.
--Anonymous
A: First of all, you spent the night 3 to 4 nights a week for a while and STILL managed to not cave into sex? Good for you! ;-) So now you've had sex--but, oh? What's this? He was a virgin before? I know what you must be feeling, but is it really a "big deal?"
Yes and no. It's exciting, but, alas, not the end of the world. Girls have so many reservations about taking a guy's virginity, when in reality, nobody should feel guilty as long as they didn't pressure or force someone into sleeping with them. As responsible twentysomethings who had sex within the bounds of a (hopefully) loving and committed relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you did. You used protection, you both wanted it, and hell, you waited, which is more than most people can say. Of course, the only caveat I have is this:
While this ain't YOUR first rodeo, your boyfriend is probably going to experience a unique sense of attachment considering that you were his first. Of course, every guy is different, but older guys who wait are generally more sensitive than the guys who are taking girls into the empty gym during lunch in 8th grade. This bond that forms between the mature, virgin guy and his counterpart, whether virgin or not, is strong. Even if you break up, he will never forget you, and it will likely be much harder for him to let you go because he was a virgin. This attachment could manifest itself in many ways during the relationship itself or may be hardly noticeable. And like I said, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just be prepared.
However, maybe you're not so worried about his potential attachment as you are about the religion thing. I don't know, though, because it more or less seems as if you've detached yourself from the church. Look, as an agnostic, I can't offer much in the way of religious guidance. In MY personal, secular belief, what you two did couldn't be wrong in the slightest. But if either of you are feeling guilty in any way, then it should be brought up and talked through.
Overall: try and continue the relationship with an open mind and enjoy having sex with someone you love. There's nothing wrong with it. The real questions should be rolling in if shit gets weird. DO let me know if that happens, please!
Best,
--Dr. O.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Blog reengineering/reaching out
My readers, it has been WAY too long since I've properly updated Go Ask Haley. In my defense, I have been absolutely SWAMPED with school and traveling, but I must admit that I could have been done a lot more marketing than I have been in order to keep the site alive. However, I still persist. It is extremely important that I am here for longevity's sake and, more importantly, here for the readers.
I'd like to reach out and ask the readership HONESTLY if there is anything I can do to make the site: nicer, more readable, more interesting, prettier, more captivating, easier to navigate, diverse, etc. etc. Tell me anything and everything. I beg of you, lay it on me! I have more than enough time to answer all your questions and concerns, including those that have less to do with that guy who won't stop bothering you at work and more about being bored and reading GAH at work. At the end of the day, it's all about you.
Remember, I'm here to give you the best possible perspective on your problems. If there's anything I can do to be better, shoot me an e-mail or a formspring for the bashful. I hope to hear from everyone soon!
Keep loving that summer,
--Dr. O.
I'd like to reach out and ask the readership HONESTLY if there is anything I can do to make the site: nicer, more readable, more interesting, prettier, more captivating, easier to navigate, diverse, etc. etc. Tell me anything and everything. I beg of you, lay it on me! I have more than enough time to answer all your questions and concerns, including those that have less to do with that guy who won't stop bothering you at work and more about being bored and reading GAH at work. At the end of the day, it's all about you.
Remember, I'm here to give you the best possible perspective on your problems. If there's anything I can do to be better, shoot me an e-mail or a formspring for the bashful. I hope to hear from everyone soon!
Keep loving that summer,
--Dr. O.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Reader question: How I get over a guy who's a "player"?
Q: How do I get over a guy who constantly reels me back in and his friends say hes a player? It seems impossible because he's so charming and we have so many similar interests that I don't think twice about other guys. HELP DR. OH!
--Anonymous
A: Ohhh, Anon, when will we learn? When will the day come that us females finally start paying attention to the nice guys and stop swooning over the butt-heads that don't give a crap? It's understandable that people love the mystery of a charismatic badass, but only to a certain extent. A guy doesn't need to be a manipulative player to be mysterious and cool.
The truth is, it's not as impossible as you think to rid yourself of this type of "charming fellow", especially if you start by, well, "fighting fire with fire".
That's right--ignore him. Resist his charm. Start pursuing other guys. See how he likes it. Now, I'm not suggesting that you be rude or that you rub your other male conquests in his face, but make it *subtly clear* that you aren't interested. Surround yourself with friends and immerse yourself in your personal hobbies and interests. I hate to say it, girly, but guys like this will leave you hanging for the rest of your life if you don't start by putting them out of sight and mind.
After a period of feigning disinterest, you will really start to feel disinterested. I promise! However, you really have to focus on surrounding yourself with other people and things. He may feel like the only guy in the world right now, but he's not. There are plenty of awesome, hot guys with interests that match yours. Recognize that part of his appeal is only coming from this "badass" facade he carries and move on. Oh, and if he tries to get you back, don't fall for that! It's never gonna change--you deserve so much better than that!
Best of luck!
--Dr. O.
--Anonymous
A: Ohhh, Anon, when will we learn? When will the day come that us females finally start paying attention to the nice guys and stop swooning over the butt-heads that don't give a crap? It's understandable that people love the mystery of a charismatic badass, but only to a certain extent. A guy doesn't need to be a manipulative player to be mysterious and cool.
The truth is, it's not as impossible as you think to rid yourself of this type of "charming fellow", especially if you start by, well, "fighting fire with fire".
That's right--ignore him. Resist his charm. Start pursuing other guys. See how he likes it. Now, I'm not suggesting that you be rude or that you rub your other male conquests in his face, but make it *subtly clear* that you aren't interested. Surround yourself with friends and immerse yourself in your personal hobbies and interests. I hate to say it, girly, but guys like this will leave you hanging for the rest of your life if you don't start by putting them out of sight and mind.
After a period of feigning disinterest, you will really start to feel disinterested. I promise! However, you really have to focus on surrounding yourself with other people and things. He may feel like the only guy in the world right now, but he's not. There are plenty of awesome, hot guys with interests that match yours. Recognize that part of his appeal is only coming from this "badass" facade he carries and move on. Oh, and if he tries to get you back, don't fall for that! It's never gonna change--you deserve so much better than that!
Best of luck!
--Dr. O.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Reader question: How can I get my best friend back?
Q: Dear Haley,
I used to BEST FRIENDS with this girl. She went to my school, but she was 1 grade ahead of me. We were the kind of friends that told eachother absolutely everything. We could talk about any thing, and say anything without getting mad at eachother. We would do everyhing together. But then somehting happened and im not sure what it was. She just stopped talking to me, and I guess I did too. Her friend told me once that she started crying at school because we werent friends anymore. Were friends now, and this happened like a year ago. But now she has this friend and theyre how we used to be. I feel like ive been replaced and it hurts. All of us are friends and were all close, but theyre the ones that always have to sit togehter and do everything together...just like me and her used to be. How can I be her best friend again??
--Anonymous
A: Ahhh, good ol' young friendship. I wish I could start out by saying something other than that. :P The truth is, Anon, when you're 14 years old, friendships roll like waves. Up and down they go, and the cycle never seems to end. It may leave you WTFing, but there is hope.
You are lucky that you are still in the company of your friend--why not make the most of it? Start out by subtly bringing up good times that you guys have had together. Trust me, it'll get her thinking--especially if you heard she cried because she misses you! If you feel like things are going well, ask your friend if she wants to go do something alone, like shopping or something of that nature. See how she acts and how much she discusses with you. If you feel weird, this is when you have to pay attention to how you feel. Maybe the reason you guys have grown apart is because you simply don't have that much in common anymore. However, hanging out more frequently just might get things back to the way they used to be.
No matter what happens, understand that some friends, unfortunately, will come and go. You probably won't meet most of your "lifelong" friends until you're in college or even working. Be true to yourself and be the best friend you can be to others--people will flock to you. If your old bestie doesn't get how awesome you are, your next best friend is probably right around the corner. :)
Best of luck!
--Dr. O.
Reader question: I cheated on my boyfriend. Now what?
Q: It was just happen last week when his cousins, aunt, uncle, and I went skiing; but he didn't go because he had to work. We went up to the mountain, but, his cousins, and his aunt had to go back to the town with out go skiing. So another cousin who is a guy and I decided to go back later in order to go skiing and his uncle will take care of us. His cousin and I had a fun time go skiing and it led us to be too close. Actually, his cousin used to like me and he is a player, but I thought that it wouldn't happen to me because he knows that I love his cousin who is my bf.
I don't know if it is because of it or not, but I didn't talk to my bf as much one day because he had somebody in his apartment and not really have time to talk to me. I felt lonely that night and his cousin slept next to me, then I kissed his cousin. I was kind of enjoy it but it is not as hot as my bf's. His cousin asked me for sex but I said no. I feel really guilty about it, so I told my bf. He gets pissed and mad. It is really hurt him. He is a person who cares about me a lot and I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
I don't know if it is because of it or not, but I didn't talk to my bf as much one day because he had somebody in his apartment and not really have time to talk to me. I felt lonely that night and his cousin slept next to me, then I kissed his cousin. I was kind of enjoy it but it is not as hot as my bf's. His cousin asked me for sex but I said no. I feel really guilty about it, so I told my bf. He gets pissed and mad. It is really hurt him. He is a person who cares about me a lot and I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
--Caaake
A: Caaake, I know that this is a tough situation for you, and it's honorable that you told your boyfriend about what happened. In my opinion, you should tell your partner about any cheating that occurs as soon as you possibly can - I know it sounds difficult, but you gotta do it, readers! Anyway, It's a good thing that you didn't have sex with this other guy. However...
You really need to evaluate how you feel about your relationship with your boyfriend. Were you really happy with him? What made you want to do something with another guy? Are you ready for a relationship? Think about it.
The simple fact is, you cheated, and you can't take it back. Unfortunately, it's pretty difficult to rebuild trust after something like this happens, and if you stay with your boyfriend you will definitely have to work very hard to rebuild that trust.
Look, people make mistakes, Caaake. It's life. I wish I could tell you things to make you feel better, but I believe that you will need to learn from this mistake. As long as you learn from it, you'll be fine. Time heals all things, including situations like this.
Think about what YOU want, then talk to your boyfriend.
Note to other readers: If you find yourself in the same situation as Caaake, please feel free to send me your original stories. My opinion is going to be a little different depending on each person's circumstances!
Note to other readers: If you find yourself in the same situation as Caaake, please feel free to send me your original stories. My opinion is going to be a little different depending on each person's circumstances!
Best of luck!
--Dr. O.
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