Q: Haley, lately I've been struggling with being single. I feel like I am ready to date but I also feel like I will miss being single if I do find someone. In your opinion, what is better-single or dating? Thanks.
--Anonymous
A: Anon, what a classic, essential question. It's definitely something that everyone struggles with at some point, but at the end of the day, the answer is simple: do what you're ready for and only with the right person (if you choose commitment).
Let me explain. First of all, relationship status is a time-and-place-contingent one. For some people, being single is the right choice right now. For some, they are perfect in their relationship. One should really make sure that they are ready to be in a relationship given everything else in their life. That being said, you need to consider school, work, future plans, geography, friends, and, above all, your relationship with yourself. Most people in their teens and early 20s are best off being single in order to become better acquainted with who they are and what they need. However, many people in relationships at this time are in the perfect position because they have perhaps found "the one" already, or at least someone decent who could possibly be the one.
Second, relationship status is also about the other person involved. Do not choose to be in a relationship simply because you need to fill a void or because you see other people happy, etc...only choose commitment with someone whom you honestly think you have a chance at long-term with. Do not get tangled up in someone who's values you disagree with or whom you are incompatible with--breakups can suck, especially after a fostered attachment. Be picky. Only get into a relationship with someone who's excellent.
I know that was long, but it's something that I've found works. The bottom line is that the "better" choice depends on the people involved. I take relationships very seriously, so I don't get into them (or advise getting into them) unless you are willing to be truly committed for a long time (at least!) and accept both the pros and cons of another person. In your case, I say you're not ready, simply by the fact that you say you will "miss being single". Spend some time being single, then, and when you do find the person who makes you never want to miss it again, then maybe you've found someone. :)
--Dr. O.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
How often should a boyfriend call you?
I occasionally like to research common relationship questions on Google--a fact which may further incriminate me as a love junkie and extreme nerd. However, some of my favorite things to read are not from other self-proclaimed gurus, psychologists, or other old people, but from real people speaking from experience.
I came across this topic on an AnswerBag post: "How often should a boyfriend call you?" The answers are pretty funny and actually very informative.
Check it out here.
In my opinion, the answer to this question really depends on the seriousness of the relationship. If you're just dating a guy somewhat casually, a call once a day or every other day should suffice. For a "real" relationship, he should definitely make at least one attempt a day, if not 2-3. Women should make an effort, too; it's up to both people to show their interest. Whether you're a guy or a girl, aim to make at least one attempt to contact your partner each and every day, if possible.
Of course, some people just don't like to talk that much. Although it's not something I come across often, some people prefer to limit their contact with their partner to as little as once every few days or something. I'm not for or against that, but remember to choose someone who has similar communication needs to you. If you like to talk three times a day and your partner likes to give a quick call a couple times a week, that's not gonna work and it never will.
I want to stress gender-neutral language here so that you LGBTers know that I'm talking to YOU, too. Just because you're both guys or both girls doesn't mean that you both are going to communicate the same way. Stick with the once-a-day rule and regardless of how your relationship is, never fully depend on someone else to show interest while you just sit back. Like the old folks say, it takes two to tango. Never forget that.
--Dr. O.
I came across this topic on an AnswerBag post: "How often should a boyfriend call you?" The answers are pretty funny and actually very informative.
Check it out here.
In my opinion, the answer to this question really depends on the seriousness of the relationship. If you're just dating a guy somewhat casually, a call once a day or every other day should suffice. For a "real" relationship, he should definitely make at least one attempt a day, if not 2-3. Women should make an effort, too; it's up to both people to show their interest. Whether you're a guy or a girl, aim to make at least one attempt to contact your partner each and every day, if possible.
Of course, some people just don't like to talk that much. Although it's not something I come across often, some people prefer to limit their contact with their partner to as little as once every few days or something. I'm not for or against that, but remember to choose someone who has similar communication needs to you. If you like to talk three times a day and your partner likes to give a quick call a couple times a week, that's not gonna work and it never will.
I want to stress gender-neutral language here so that you LGBTers know that I'm talking to YOU, too. Just because you're both guys or both girls doesn't mean that you both are going to communicate the same way. Stick with the once-a-day rule and regardless of how your relationship is, never fully depend on someone else to show interest while you just sit back. Like the old folks say, it takes two to tango. Never forget that.
--Dr. O.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Online Dating 101
Q: What are your thoughts about online dating sites, are the rules different? What are the guidelines to texting, meeting in person. Is there a generic rule book on dating to follow? Ie. When to text first, how long to wait, are most interested in love?
A: I'll be honest: I'm no expert in online dating. In fact, it used to kind of scare me. However, allow me to swallow my pride and admit that, YES, I have tried it before and find that it can be a great way for people to meet potential mates--especially if you are excruciatingly shy or if you are having trouble finding members of the same sex to meet.
A lot of my friends are getting in the mood to try it lately, and I say go for it. As far as "rules" go, I say it should be just like normal dating with a few twists. Here are some guidelines that I think people should follow if they do decide to brave the vast web-ocean that is internet dating.
1. Check out peoples' profiles in depth before you initiate contact.
Be honest with yourself--there ARE a lot of wackjobs out there. It's not hard to spot a "fake" profile out there, so use your brain. If you spot a profile of a beautiful girl who wants to "trade pix" with you and whose only listed interests include "sex" and variations thereof, ummm...yeah, you are dealing with one of the millions of profiles that creepy people (men and women alike) use to bait innocent onliners like you.
In addition, there are plenty of real live people out there who have their interests and stories laid out for you to see. Take advantage of that, and make sure the cute guy you're chatting up isn't a white supremacist or a 40-year-old living at home or a Celtics fan (hahahahahaha). It will save you a lot of trouble.
2. DO NOT LIE ON YOUR PROFILE.
Be yourself. If someone doesn't like who you are or how you look, they can screw off. Putting up pictures of your 16-year-old self when you're 35 or saying that you're a partner at a law firm when you do data entry in an office is not going to serve you well in the end.
3. Meet as soon as possible, and meet in public.
Ideally, you should meet with the person you begin talking with that very week. If someone puts off meeting you for too long, it's usually a sign of something. Make it like a one-hour meeting at a coffee shop. The length is so that you leave enough to the imagination and the public-ness is so that nobody gets any wrong ideas--also, to make sure you are safe. Honestly, this isn't a great "first date", but it's the best way to go about it. Make the first date after this.
That's it.
Those are the twists, those are the differences.
The only thing I would probably add is to not make a big deal that it's an online meeting if everything goes smoothly after a few dates. Treat it like any other relationship. Who texts first, how long do you wait for things...these questions will naturally be answered and one should abide by their own personal values for any relationship, whether they are dealing with an online-initiated one or a RL-initiated one.
--Dr. O.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Chivalry should die.
Not really, just trying to get your attention.
Kind of.
In another one of my bouts of information ravaging, I got extremely stuck on the theme of relationship equality. Speaking as "modern woman" I must say that it's grown harder and harder for me to accept a role as someone to be taken care of, the precious prize, the "doted upon".
Let me clarify. From birth, we (women) are indirectly and directly taught to seek out men who will wait on us hand and foot and worship us like the god of a new religion. We are beaten over the head with this idea SO much that we end up pushing away perfectly good members of the opposite sex, even if they more or less live up to some pretty impeccable standards.
"More or less" is not okay for some people, though.
If a guy makes us cry once, he's not worth it. If a guy doesn't pay for every meal, he's a stingy loser. If a guy raises his voice to us, he's obviously a disrespectful fuckwad. REALLY?
Ladies, I know you've noticed this just as much as I have. I completely understand the desire to find a guy who works hard to keep you in his life, respect you, and, quite frankly, take care of you (sometimes). As women, it is undeniable that we have a natural, DNA-driven need for security. But what about the needs of men? Take away the machismo and the outer expectation to be "protectors" and they have just as many needs as us. Just like us, men love compliments, back rubs, doors opened, meal treats, and soup when they're sick. Just like us, men want a partner who can provide them with love and respect. If a guy does so much for you, don't you think he deserves that much in return?
Of course, I'm largely speaking with regards to heterosexual relationships. I'm not saying homosexual relationships aren't without their problems, but I do find that between people of the same sex there are (obviously) fewer gender-understanding-related problems. However, I still see a bit of 1950s-ish behavior among many, many same sex couples, so this paragraph is here to alert you that I'm talking to you, too! :P
The bottom line is, people, relationships are not one-sided. I believe in mutual respect and equal effort, plain and simple.
Of course, you can take my advice however you want. If you've read any of my other posts, you know a reasonable amount about my value system and beliefs. Although I believe in a large handful of classic ideals about romance and relationships, I am no Cathy Conservative. As always, I appreciate others thoughts.
Now go make your hubbie a sandwich ;)
--Dr. O.
Kind of.
In another one of my bouts of information ravaging, I got extremely stuck on the theme of relationship equality. Speaking as "modern woman" I must say that it's grown harder and harder for me to accept a role as someone to be taken care of, the precious prize, the "doted upon".
Let me clarify. From birth, we (women) are indirectly and directly taught to seek out men who will wait on us hand and foot and worship us like the god of a new religion. We are beaten over the head with this idea SO much that we end up pushing away perfectly good members of the opposite sex, even if they more or less live up to some pretty impeccable standards.
"More or less" is not okay for some people, though.
If a guy makes us cry once, he's not worth it. If a guy doesn't pay for every meal, he's a stingy loser. If a guy raises his voice to us, he's obviously a disrespectful fuckwad. REALLY?
Ladies, I know you've noticed this just as much as I have. I completely understand the desire to find a guy who works hard to keep you in his life, respect you, and, quite frankly, take care of you (sometimes). As women, it is undeniable that we have a natural, DNA-driven need for security. But what about the needs of men? Take away the machismo and the outer expectation to be "protectors" and they have just as many needs as us. Just like us, men love compliments, back rubs, doors opened, meal treats, and soup when they're sick. Just like us, men want a partner who can provide them with love and respect. If a guy does so much for you, don't you think he deserves that much in return?
Of course, I'm largely speaking with regards to heterosexual relationships. I'm not saying homosexual relationships aren't without their problems, but I do find that between people of the same sex there are (obviously) fewer gender-understanding-related problems. However, I still see a bit of 1950s-ish behavior among many, many same sex couples, so this paragraph is here to alert you that I'm talking to you, too! :P
The bottom line is, people, relationships are not one-sided. I believe in mutual respect and equal effort, plain and simple.
Of course, you can take my advice however you want. If you've read any of my other posts, you know a reasonable amount about my value system and beliefs. Although I believe in a large handful of classic ideals about romance and relationships, I am no Cathy Conservative. As always, I appreciate others thoughts.
Now go make your hubbie a sandwich ;)
--Dr. O.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sugar baby aspirations? Think twice, sugar...
Q: Haley! I didnt want to ask this without being embarrassed, but I saw your post awhile back about girls living in the playboy mansion. I didnt really read through it but, i must admit that i am kind of in a deperate time in my life and looking for some income. i have been learning about girls who act as partners to welathy older men for money and it doesnt seem that bad. while some men are lousy it doesnt really seem like they are all just after looks, some want companionship. i know youll probably be mad at me but do you think that there is any case where it's okay to go with a rich guy for a while, even though its using him, thanks.
--Anonymous
A: Sweetheart, you hit the nail on the head when you said I'd be a little upset! But, as I've promised and stated on here, I am not here to morally regulate people, just offer my advice.
We are living in a world that is increasingly women-friendly in the way of corporate advancement and personal rights, yet more and more women are opting for a liaison with a "wealthy, older man"--purely for financial benefit. I understand that you are in a financially disadvantaged place right now, but who isn't at some point in their life? Most people, including some of the most successful people on Earth, have had money problems that were probably a lot worse than yours.
You state that these men aren't all "lousy" and that not all of them are just after looks. If that were true, don't you think you'd see more older men going for older women with greater moral character? Even if some of these men DO go for women to find a personality, there'd still be a one-sided case of using by the girl.
To answer your question, no, I don't think it's ever moral to go with a man simply for money. There are plenty of kind, compatible men with a decent drive to provide a supporting income, so find that someday. For now, stick to your own talents. You don't need to depend on anyone else but yourself. Besides, being with a rich guy is guaranteed to have its less-than-glamorous points. If you had read the article I posted, Hugh Hefner is basically nothing more than a stingy octogenarian who orders girls young enough to be his great-granddaughters to have (terrible) sex with him and get Barbie-inspired plastic surgery. Does that sound like a life you want?
--Dr. O.
--Anonymous
A: Sweetheart, you hit the nail on the head when you said I'd be a little upset! But, as I've promised and stated on here, I am not here to morally regulate people, just offer my advice.
We are living in a world that is increasingly women-friendly in the way of corporate advancement and personal rights, yet more and more women are opting for a liaison with a "wealthy, older man"--purely for financial benefit. I understand that you are in a financially disadvantaged place right now, but who isn't at some point in their life? Most people, including some of the most successful people on Earth, have had money problems that were probably a lot worse than yours.
You state that these men aren't all "lousy" and that not all of them are just after looks. If that were true, don't you think you'd see more older men going for older women with greater moral character? Even if some of these men DO go for women to find a personality, there'd still be a one-sided case of using by the girl.
To answer your question, no, I don't think it's ever moral to go with a man simply for money. There are plenty of kind, compatible men with a decent drive to provide a supporting income, so find that someday. For now, stick to your own talents. You don't need to depend on anyone else but yourself. Besides, being with a rich guy is guaranteed to have its less-than-glamorous points. If you had read the article I posted, Hugh Hefner is basically nothing more than a stingy octogenarian who orders girls young enough to be his great-granddaughters to have (terrible) sex with him and get Barbie-inspired plastic surgery. Does that sound like a life you want?
--Dr. O.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
9 Things About Men You Need to Know
Q: I was hoping you could tell me your thoughts on how men "work". What they think and feel about sex, love, cheating, emotions, what kind of girls they like/ wish they had. Basically how does the mans brain work and why. Thank you Haley!
--Anonymous
A: Well, darling, where to begin. Men say they're not complicated, but we all know that's a lie. I might only be a woman, but I've come to learn a few things about men, some of which might surprise you. I've taken the liberty of putting my findings into a short list.
1. Not all men are addicted to sex.
Believe me, it's true. While most men like sex and enjoy it quite a bit, there are plenty of men who don't mind going a day or two--or much longer--without it. Women are often afraid of not being able to be "enough" for a man sexually, but that's usually never the case. In fact, the horniest people I've ever met are women. No joke.
2. Men would rather date a girl who's 10 pounds overweight than a girl who's 10 pounds underweight.
Men like curves. And no, I don't just mean boobs. Men like shapely thighs, pronounced hips, and ample butts. Fortunately for us, these curves come naturally. Women starve themselves SILLY to get supermodel thin, or even just heavily limit their diet to boring foods (*waves and points at self*). However, unless you're trying to win over the occasional gay designer, you're not going to have as many willing suitors as you'd think. Best you eat that chocolate cheese cake ONCE in a while, right?
3. Men look at other women, but they don't necessarily want them, at all.
I mentioned in an earlier post that we all need to get over the fact that our partners look at other people because it happens ALL THE TIME. We do it, too! I don't care what you or your partner look like, neither of you are blind...well, maybe, but probably not. We've been beaten over the head with the idea that men are visual creatures, and it's true. But let me ask you this: do you get jealous when your boyfriend looks at cars, houses, phones, big screen TVs, paintings, watches, or massage chairs? Well, think about other attractive females as nice Ferraris or iPhone 4s. Sure, they're nice to look at, but does he want to have sex with them or pass you up for them? No. You're a trillion times better, you goof. Stop freakin' worrying.
4. Boys love sluts. Men do not.
It is true that a younger, immature guy will go ape for a scantily clad woman who's willing to please him. It is true that a more conservative, less "sexy" woman will often be passed up by the underdeveloped douchebag of the 21st century. However, these aren't the kind of guys you want anyway. There are plenty of men with a lot more to offer out there who will GREATLY prefer you to some skank--you just need to look.
5. Most men don't know what they're talking about when they say they like girls who don't wear makeup. Less is more, but still.
Let's be honest. Men don't spend time ogling nude-faced girls in sweats with their hair in a messy bun. They are constantly bombarded by images of Photoshopped-to-death girls with at least 2 hours of aesthetic preparation behind their back. Men who say they prefer women without makeup are joking--they have never seen what their precious models and actresses look like without it--it's scary. This isn't an attempt to be bitchy, but we all know we look better with a bit of makeup on--if only a tiny bit better. I'm not saying clown it out and I'm not saying that certain people can't look GORGEOUS without makeup. I'm just saying that every woman on Earth who ever lived DOES look better with at least a little makeup on to highlight and accentuate her beauty. (Note: If you do find a guy who says you look better with NO makeup on at all whatsoever, marry him.)
6. Men love being "the boyfriend", "the husband", and "the dad".
People who say that men are the ones afraid to commit couldn't be further from the truth. Men absolutely adore having someone to take care of and love, provided that it's the right person and the right time. That being said, men also appreciate someone who can love them all the same. A man will be devastated by someone cheating on them or leaving them--don't kid yourself. Even the most "macho" of men would be crushed by things like this happening!
7. You will need a crow bar to pry open the mouths of some men.
Men and women will always be on different planets communication-wise, but that doesn't mean that heterosexual relationships are doomed as we know them. However, when undertaking a man as your partner, you must accept the fact that the road to proper, solid communication is a tough one. Don't give up, though.
8. Men will choose a less attractive girl with better inner qualities long before a hottie with a bad attitude and no brains.
This is true of almost every man out there, even some of the shallower ones. Looks, as I've come to realize, simply don't cut it for most people. Sure, they're a plus, but the girls who get the most guys are the ones who have the most confidence, spirit, and "interestingness". I will add that these girls DO take decent care of themselves, even if they're not much to look at, but it's very clear that their outward appearance is outshined by their amazing personalities. Even if you don't think you're attractive, your inner beauty can make you the most attractive one out there.
9. Not all men are the same.
Yes, there are generalizations that you can apply to most men...somewhat...kind of...occasionally. But the most important thing you can take from this is that every man is different. Every man has their likes and dislikes, their goals and values, and their own stories. The only way you will truly understand men is to talk to them. Know them. I can guarantee you that they can offer a hell of a lot more insight than I can. Never discount this all-important fact.
--Anonymous
A: Well, darling, where to begin. Men say they're not complicated, but we all know that's a lie. I might only be a woman, but I've come to learn a few things about men, some of which might surprise you. I've taken the liberty of putting my findings into a short list.
1. Not all men are addicted to sex.
Believe me, it's true. While most men like sex and enjoy it quite a bit, there are plenty of men who don't mind going a day or two--or much longer--without it. Women are often afraid of not being able to be "enough" for a man sexually, but that's usually never the case. In fact, the horniest people I've ever met are women. No joke.
2. Men would rather date a girl who's 10 pounds overweight than a girl who's 10 pounds underweight.
Men like curves. And no, I don't just mean boobs. Men like shapely thighs, pronounced hips, and ample butts. Fortunately for us, these curves come naturally. Women starve themselves SILLY to get supermodel thin, or even just heavily limit their diet to boring foods (*waves and points at self*). However, unless you're trying to win over the occasional gay designer, you're not going to have as many willing suitors as you'd think. Best you eat that chocolate cheese cake ONCE in a while, right?
3. Men look at other women, but they don't necessarily want them, at all.
I mentioned in an earlier post that we all need to get over the fact that our partners look at other people because it happens ALL THE TIME. We do it, too! I don't care what you or your partner look like, neither of you are blind...well, maybe, but probably not. We've been beaten over the head with the idea that men are visual creatures, and it's true. But let me ask you this: do you get jealous when your boyfriend looks at cars, houses, phones, big screen TVs, paintings, watches, or massage chairs? Well, think about other attractive females as nice Ferraris or iPhone 4s. Sure, they're nice to look at, but does he want to have sex with them or pass you up for them? No. You're a trillion times better, you goof. Stop freakin' worrying.
4. Boys love sluts. Men do not.
It is true that a younger, immature guy will go ape for a scantily clad woman who's willing to please him. It is true that a more conservative, less "sexy" woman will often be passed up by the underdeveloped douchebag of the 21st century. However, these aren't the kind of guys you want anyway. There are plenty of men with a lot more to offer out there who will GREATLY prefer you to some skank--you just need to look.
5. Most men don't know what they're talking about when they say they like girls who don't wear makeup. Less is more, but still.
Let's be honest. Men don't spend time ogling nude-faced girls in sweats with their hair in a messy bun. They are constantly bombarded by images of Photoshopped-to-death girls with at least 2 hours of aesthetic preparation behind their back. Men who say they prefer women without makeup are joking--they have never seen what their precious models and actresses look like without it--it's scary. This isn't an attempt to be bitchy, but we all know we look better with a bit of makeup on--if only a tiny bit better. I'm not saying clown it out and I'm not saying that certain people can't look GORGEOUS without makeup. I'm just saying that every woman on Earth who ever lived DOES look better with at least a little makeup on to highlight and accentuate her beauty. (Note: If you do find a guy who says you look better with NO makeup on at all whatsoever, marry him.)
6. Men love being "the boyfriend", "the husband", and "the dad".
People who say that men are the ones afraid to commit couldn't be further from the truth. Men absolutely adore having someone to take care of and love, provided that it's the right person and the right time. That being said, men also appreciate someone who can love them all the same. A man will be devastated by someone cheating on them or leaving them--don't kid yourself. Even the most "macho" of men would be crushed by things like this happening!
7. You will need a crow bar to pry open the mouths of some men.
Men and women will always be on different planets communication-wise, but that doesn't mean that heterosexual relationships are doomed as we know them. However, when undertaking a man as your partner, you must accept the fact that the road to proper, solid communication is a tough one. Don't give up, though.
8. Men will choose a less attractive girl with better inner qualities long before a hottie with a bad attitude and no brains.
This is true of almost every man out there, even some of the shallower ones. Looks, as I've come to realize, simply don't cut it for most people. Sure, they're a plus, but the girls who get the most guys are the ones who have the most confidence, spirit, and "interestingness". I will add that these girls DO take decent care of themselves, even if they're not much to look at, but it's very clear that their outward appearance is outshined by their amazing personalities. Even if you don't think you're attractive, your inner beauty can make you the most attractive one out there.
9. Not all men are the same.
Yes, there are generalizations that you can apply to most men...somewhat...kind of...occasionally. But the most important thing you can take from this is that every man is different. Every man has their likes and dislikes, their goals and values, and their own stories. The only way you will truly understand men is to talk to them. Know them. I can guarantee you that they can offer a hell of a lot more insight than I can. Never discount this all-important fact.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Is PMS a real excuse anymore?
I'm a woman. That being said, I am one of the 3 billion people on Earth unfortunate enough to get a period. No, it's not fun. And for those still curious: YES, PMS is very real. It is real and it is dire.
Amidst cramps, bloating, crazy dreams, moodiness, hypersensitivity, and a condition I have lovingly and sophisticatedly labeled "ouch boob", though, we've gotta hand it to the people who take care of us. Really. Swallow your pride and ignore the fact that you might, in fact, painfully carry and give birth to the children of the person you primarily take it out on and take it down a few notches. You want to kill me right now, but just listen.
The PMS thing has been around for eons. As poorly developed as we still are, and as painfully slow as evolution is (for both sexes, ahem), we are aware of PMS. It is routine. And to every routine, we can adapt, can we not?
I do know that, regardless of our awareness, it can be difficult. Like, really difficult. And sometimes, we take the idea of our obvious PMS and we run with it. We let its known presence affect us even more. This, my friends, is a cop out. PMS does not give someone a free pass to be abusive or downright bitchy to anyone else. If you do, then you own up to it, and you try your hardest to not do it again.
The best thing to do when dealing with PMS around a partner, friend, or family member is to let them know. Honestly, it's best for both parties to be aware. Not only will they take your monthly quirks with a grain of salt, but they'll be less apt to say something to provoke you. If you have certain things that you do to help alleviate PMS, do them--granted that they're healthy. (Bleeding out of your vagina doesn't give you the right to go binge eat, chain smoke, or break into cars.) If you need space from someone, ask.
These are just my thoughts, but I'd appreciate yours, too. I hope I didn't send anybody into a feminist tizzy or a desperate search for amenorrhœa, though. That would not be good. I'd definitely need to remove my fake doctor prefix.
--Dr. O.
Amidst cramps, bloating, crazy dreams, moodiness, hypersensitivity, and a condition I have lovingly and sophisticatedly labeled "ouch boob", though, we've gotta hand it to the people who take care of us. Really. Swallow your pride and ignore the fact that you might, in fact, painfully carry and give birth to the children of the person you primarily take it out on and take it down a few notches. You want to kill me right now, but just listen.
The PMS thing has been around for eons. As poorly developed as we still are, and as painfully slow as evolution is (for both sexes, ahem), we are aware of PMS. It is routine. And to every routine, we can adapt, can we not?
I do know that, regardless of our awareness, it can be difficult. Like, really difficult. And sometimes, we take the idea of our obvious PMS and we run with it. We let its known presence affect us even more. This, my friends, is a cop out. PMS does not give someone a free pass to be abusive or downright bitchy to anyone else. If you do, then you own up to it, and you try your hardest to not do it again.
The best thing to do when dealing with PMS around a partner, friend, or family member is to let them know. Honestly, it's best for both parties to be aware. Not only will they take your monthly quirks with a grain of salt, but they'll be less apt to say something to provoke you. If you have certain things that you do to help alleviate PMS, do them--granted that they're healthy. (Bleeding out of your vagina doesn't give you the right to go binge eat, chain smoke, or break into cars.) If you need space from someone, ask.
These are just my thoughts, but I'd appreciate yours, too. I hope I didn't send anybody into a feminist tizzy or a desperate search for amenorrhœa, though. That would not be good. I'd definitely need to remove my fake doctor prefix.
--Dr. O.
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