Q: I was hoping you could give me your thoughts on my situation. I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. He's perfect in every way. He's a fourth year medical student and very good to me. With him being so busy we still go on a couple dates a week. And spend the night about 3-4 a week.. We have amazing passion and connection. He's a virgin. He's been waiting for so long bc of religious reasons, we both grew up Mormon, so I can relate to waiting for marriage but I've been having sex for several years. We both don't go to church or believe much of it anymore. This past weekend we went away for a trip and then of course had sex. (he packed the condoms) What are your thoughts on taking a guys virginity? I feel its a big deal for us? Thoughts? Thank you!
A: First of all, you spent the night 3 to 4 nights a week for a while and STILL managed to not cave into sex? Good for you! ;-) So now you've had sex--but, oh? What's this? He was a virgin before? I know what you must be feeling, but is it really a "big deal?"
Yes and no. It's exciting, but, alas, not the end of the world. Girls have so many reservations about taking a guy's virginity, when in reality, nobody should feel guilty as long as they didn't pressure or force someone into sleeping with them. As responsible twentysomethings who had sex within the bounds of a (hopefully) loving and committed relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you did. You used protection, you both wanted it, and hell, you waited, which is more than most people can say. Of course, the only caveat I have is this:
While this ain't YOUR first rodeo, your boyfriend is probably going to experience a unique sense of attachment considering that you were his first. Of course, every guy is different, but older guys who wait are generally more sensitive than the guys who are taking girls into the empty gym during lunch in 8th grade. This bond that forms between the mature, virgin guy and his counterpart, whether virgin or not, is strong. Even if you break up, he will never forget you, and it will likely be much harder for him to let you go because he was a virgin. This attachment could manifest itself in many ways during the relationship itself or may be hardly noticeable. And like I said, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just be prepared.
However, maybe you're not so worried about his potential attachment as you are about the religion thing. I don't know, though, because it more or less seems as if you've detached yourself from the church. Look, as an agnostic, I can't offer much in the way of religious guidance. In MY personal, secular belief, what you two did couldn't be wrong in the slightest. But if either of you are feeling guilty in any way, then it should be brought up and talked through.
Overall: try and continue the relationship with an open mind and enjoy having sex with someone you love. There's nothing wrong with it. The real questions should be rolling in if shit gets weird. DO let me know if that happens, please!