Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Reader question: When do you have sex in a new relationship?

Q: I'm dating a new guy. He's EXACTLY what I want. We are going on a couple dates a week & text everyday. We had our first no sex sleepover. Just cuddles. We both want it bad but respect eachother. When do I have sex with him? Not just when it feels "right".


A: Don't worry, I won't tell you to do it when it feels "right". The fact is, it's always gonna feel that way, because the minute you see someone you want to pursue, you generally have at least SOME thoughts about what it'd be like to be intimate with them. 
However, people do need to be careful when timing sex, as well as many other things that signify the next step being taken in a relationship. Other examples of these are spending a whole romantic day together, meeting parents, or buying a major gift. You cannot do these things too early, or it will jeopardize the relationship. 
That being said, if you really like this guy, wait until a) you can see yourself long-term with him and b) you feel reasonably assured that you can trust him. Generally, this takes a couple months, but it could take longer or shorter depending on the kind of person you are. Always use your best judgment, as you have to remember that a lot of guys aren't looking for commitment. 

Best of luck!

--Dr. O.

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