Q: Dear Dr. O ,
So I am single and happily single at that. Although sometimes I do feel really lonely. don't get me wrong I love guys, but it is soooo fucking annoying for every guy I meet for the first time that we hang out to expect me to put out!!! Because half of the time I don't want to, or want to wait a while. I never know how to tell guys this in a nice way. Or how to stop attracting those types of guys/men even though i'm single and sometimes down. It really hurts my feelings when guys try to pressure me into doing things, it is by far the most annoying thing in the world. and then I get really uncomfortable whatever we are doing and totally shut down. Yet i'm not sure if they see it, or know why? Can you please give me advice.
A: Awwww, Anon! Don't get so down. You sing the sorrows of many-a college girl and truth be told, your problems are easily solved.
The first step you need to take is a self-evaluation. Yes, I love telling people to do this--it works! Ask yourself how you present yourself in front of guys. Do you dress suggestively? Do you flirt a lot? Do you initiate lesser forms of "putting out", such as kissing? I know it sounds bad, but if you answer "yes" to these questions, a dumb, young/college-aged boy is generally going to think there's more in store for him--i.e., sex. Most guys these age, sadly, are not only trying to avoid girlfriends, but are TRYING to hook up with whomever they want.
Now, you have said that you like being single, but don't like being surrounded by guys who just wanna have sex. Unfortunately, it's pretty tough to find guys who won't expect it sometime, girly, especially if you are sexy, flirty, and seem "down"! The truth is, there ARE a handful of decent guys who are cool with the friends with benefits (FWB) model and cool with waiting before things happen. Like I said, though...it ain't easy!
The next step is to figure out what you really want. If you want to be single and continue hooking up with you want, understand that 90% of these guys are going to only want sex. If you want to casually date/hook up guys and just take things a little slower, do just that--take it slower! Even if you're not intending to seriously date the person, try not kissing on the first "date" or make your first hang-out in a public place (after all, it reduces the chances that he'll ask for sex right there, lol). It might be hard, but changing your habits a little will potentially expose you to better guys.
Best of luck!