Thursday, March 31, 2011

Reader question: Do I forgive a guy who's really late on a date?

Q: Hey Haley! Okay- first of all, I really hope you can re-word this, haven't had coffee yet. So my question seems pretty simple compared to the ones I see you usually get, but my boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago and since then I had been hanging with other guys. There's one I've really started liking. I haven't felt like this about a guy since I was 16 (I'm 22 now). Everything has been going great, he's into me too- blah, blah, blah- but yesterday we agreed on a meet up time of 2:45 in a public place, just to meet half way, and I was waiting around for AN HOUR AND A HALF, no phone call, no text, nothing... it's not like I wasn't enjoying my coffee, and shopping- I was- but if I cared about someone at all, I would have sent them a text to let them know I was running late- just out of consideration. I really liked this guy, and the fact that I am still thinking about it is killing me- because it seems so petty. But usually I would never waste my time with someone who would do that. Eventually he did show up- we drove down the street and I had him take me back to my car- he's been apologizing and then asked for me to be his girlfriend... but I can't seem to shake what happened. Am I being ridiculous? -Thanks xx


A: Anon, I hope you forgive me for the excessive questions I'm about to ask you, but I want to make sure that I tackle this situation appropriately. How long have you known this guy? Is there anything else that he's done that's been a little sketchy? Do you really like this guy, or are you looking for some romantic relief after your last ex? Granted, you can simply answer these questions for yourself and then go from there, because if you answer "not long" to the first and "yes" to the last two, you might wanna think about slowing it down and possibly moving on altogether.

To recap: a guy you started liking basically sent out a huge red flag by being incredibly late to pick you up without so much as a two-word text. That's EXACTLY what that was--a red flag. Has he explained exactly why that happened? It had better be something good.

To answer your main question, NO, you are not being ridiculous. And if your intuition is telling you to be on alert, there's a good chance that this guy is bad news. Slow things down a little and don't accept his proposal just yet. Hang out a little more and see how it goes. Remember, don't settle. Ever. 

Let me know if you need more analysis or help. Best of luck!

--Dr. O.

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