Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Reader question: How do I handle a long-distance crush?

Q: Dear Hayley,

I'm crisising right now!! Over the summer I counsel at a camp and this past summer I met a boy. Actually, he went to my high school but we actually started talking a lot at this camp and then started really talking on facebook just a few weeks ago. We talk every single day on FB chat and at night we will spend hours on the phone....sometimes till 5 in the morning! We have never kissed or done anything but recently he told me he had a dream that we were dating!!! I had wanted to get in touch with him for a long time but he had a girlfriend up until a month ago. He is now single, but the problem still remains that he lives in upstate NY with his dad now and I live in PA..not good. We have a good 4 hours of driving in between us and I don't even have my own car, plus he works a lot during the school year. However we are both graduating highschool this year and both looking to go to schools that are close to each other (not on purpose lol) so Iam trying to hold out hope for the future. But is there any? How do I maintain this until June when we meet again and how do I keep him interested until something more can grow during college? Thanks.


A: Chanel, let me first thank you graciously for ending the dry spell my blog has had for nearly two weeks. Now, for your question. :)

The truth is, darling, I could send you away at least somewhat happier with just one line that I firmly believe in: if it's meant to be, it'll happen. It doesn't matter if it takes weeks, months, or even several years. If two people are meant to be together, then it will eventually happen. However, I will delve deeper into the situation for you.

You say that you didn't really start seriously talking with him until about a month ago. Yes, it's great to have a new crush, but don't get too ahead of yourself! You never really know someone as well online as you would in person. Although you've spent plenty of time IRL with him as a friend, you have not yet been around him in a romantic setting. 
For the next few months, do keep in touch with him, do get to know him, and do take things slow. His interest can't falter if you leave a little mystery and if you act like you have quite the life. If there is any way that you two could meet halfway before your summer camp, do it. Maybe take a day trip? No overnight stuff yet, or you're headed for Complicated City. 
I will warn you not to count on him going to a college close to yours, although you know better than I do what he'll really do. Also, don't choose a college for him. You are extremely young. I say that with reverence; you're lucky. Do not get insanely worked up if it doesn't work out with this guy and DEFINITELY do not make your decisions based upon him.
Always remember: if it's meant to be, it'll happen. In addition to that: always be yourself. It all sounds very contrite and probably a little old persony, but it's true. That's why all the old people say it!

Best of luck,

Dr. O.

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