Reader question: How can I get my best friend back?

Q: Dear Haley,

I used to BEST FRIENDS with this girl. She went to my school, but she was 1 grade ahead of me. We were the kind of friends that told eachother absolutely everything. We could talk about any thing, and say anything without getting mad at eachother. We would do everyhing together. But then somehting happened and im not sure what it was. She just stopped talking to me, and I guess I did too. Her friend told me once that she started crying at school because we werent friends anymore. Were friends now, and this happened like a year ago. But now she has this friend and theyre how we used to be. I feel like ive been replaced and it hurts. All  of us are friends and were all close, but theyre the ones that always have to sit togehter and  do everything together...just like me and her used to be. How can I be her best friend again??

--Anonymous

A: Ahhh, good ol' young friendship. I wish I could start out by saying something other than that. :P The truth is, Anon, when you're 14 years old, friendships roll like waves. Up and down they go, and the cycle never seems to end. It may leave you WTFing, but there is hope.

You are lucky that you are still in the company of your friend--why not make the most of it? Start out by subtly bringing up good times that you guys have had together. Trust me, it'll get her thinking--especially if you heard she cried because she misses you! If you feel like things are going well, ask your friend if she wants to go do something alone, like shopping or something of that nature. See how she acts and how much she discusses with you. If you feel weird, this is when you have to pay attention to how you feel. Maybe the reason you guys have grown apart is because you simply don't have that much in common anymore. However, hanging out more frequently just might get things back to the way they used to be.

No matter what happens, understand that some friends, unfortunately, will come and go. You probably won't meet most of your "lifelong" friends until you're in college or even working. Be true to yourself and be the best friend you can be to others--people will flock to you. If your old bestie doesn't get how awesome you are, your next best friend is probably right around the corner. :)

Best of luck!

--Dr. O.