Thursday, January 13, 2011

9 Things About Men You Need to Know

Q: I was hoping you could tell me your thoughts on how men "work". What they think and feel about sex, love, cheating, emotions, what kind of girls they like/ wish they had. Basically how does the mans brain work and why. Thank you Haley!


A: Well, darling, where to begin. Men say they're not complicated, but we all know that's a lie. I might only be a woman, but I've come to learn a few things about men, some of which might surprise you. I've taken the liberty of putting my findings into a short list.

1. Not all men are addicted to sex.
Believe me, it's true. While most men like sex and enjoy it quite a bit, there are plenty of men who don't mind going a day or two--or much longer--without it. Women are often afraid of not being able to be "enough" for a man sexually, but that's usually never the case. In fact, the horniest people I've ever met are women. No joke. 

2. Men would rather date a girl who's 10 pounds overweight than a girl who's 10 pounds underweight.
Men like curves. And no, I don't just mean boobs. Men like shapely thighs, pronounced hips, and ample butts. Fortunately for us, these curves come naturally. Women starve themselves SILLY to get supermodel thin, or even just heavily limit their diet to boring foods (*waves and points at self*). However, unless you're trying to win over the occasional gay designer, you're not going to have as many willing suitors as you'd think. Best you eat that chocolate cheese cake ONCE in a while, right?

3. Men look at other women, but they don't necessarily want them, at all.
I mentioned in an earlier post that we all need to get over the fact that our partners look at other people because it happens ALL THE TIME. We do it, too! I don't care what you or your partner look like, neither of you are blind...well, maybe, but probably not. We've been beaten over the head with the idea that men are visual creatures, and it's true. But let me ask you this: do you get jealous when your boyfriend looks at cars, houses, phones, big screen TVs, paintings, watches, or massage chairs? Well, think about other attractive females as nice Ferraris or iPhone 4s. Sure, they're nice to look at, but does he want to have sex with them or pass you up for them? No. You're a trillion times better, you goof. Stop freakin' worrying.

4. Boys love sluts. Men do not.
It is true that a younger, immature guy will go ape for a scantily clad woman who's willing to please him. It is true that a more conservative, less "sexy" woman will often be passed up by the underdeveloped douchebag of the 21st century. However, these aren't the kind of guys you want anyway. There are plenty of men with a lot more to offer out there who will GREATLY prefer you to some skank--you just need to look.

5. Most men don't know what they're talking about when they say they like girls who don't wear makeup. Less is more, but still.
Let's be honest. Men don't spend time ogling nude-faced girls in sweats with their hair in a messy bun. They are constantly bombarded by images of Photoshopped-to-death girls with at least 2 hours of aesthetic preparation behind their back. Men who say they prefer women without makeup are joking--they have never seen what their precious models and actresses look like without it--it's scary. This isn't an attempt to be bitchy, but we all know we look better with a bit of makeup on--if only a tiny bit better. I'm not saying clown it out and I'm not saying that certain people can't look GORGEOUS without makeup. I'm just saying that every woman on Earth who ever lived DOES look better with at least a little makeup on to highlight and accentuate her beauty. (Note: If you do find a guy who says you look better with NO makeup on at all whatsoever, marry him.)

6. Men love being "the boyfriend", "the husband", and "the dad".
People who say that men are the ones afraid to commit couldn't be further from the truth. Men absolutely adore having someone to take care of and love, provided that it's the right person and the right time. That being said, men also appreciate someone who can love them all the same. A man will be devastated by someone cheating on them or leaving them--don't kid yourself. Even the most "macho" of men would be crushed by things like this happening!

7. You will need a crow bar to pry open the mouths of some men.
Men and women will always be on different planets communication-wise, but that doesn't mean that heterosexual relationships are doomed as we know them. However, when undertaking a man as your partner, you must accept the fact that the road to proper, solid communication is a tough one. Don't give up, though. 

8. Men will choose a less attractive girl with better inner qualities long before a hottie with a bad attitude and no brains.
This is true of almost every man out there, even some of the shallower ones. Looks, as I've come to realize, simply don't cut it for most people. Sure, they're a plus, but the girls who get the most guys are the ones who have the most confidence, spirit, and "interestingness". I will add that these girls DO take decent care of themselves, even if they're not much to look at, but it's very clear that their outward appearance is outshined by their amazing personalities. Even if you don't think you're attractive, your inner beauty can make you the most attractive one out there.

9. Not all men are the same.
Yes, there are generalizations that you can apply to most men...somewhat...kind of...occasionally. But the most important thing you can take from this is that every man is different. Every man has their likes and dislikes, their goals and values, and their own stories. The only way you will truly understand men is to talk to them. Know them. I can guarantee you that they can offer a hell of a lot more insight than I can. Never discount this all-important fact.

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