Saturday, January 8, 2011

The serial cheater

Q: Hello Miss Haley,
   I need your advice regarding my situation, my BF and I lived together for 13 years. And this past month he is seing another woman,how should or what should I do.I talk to him about it and his response is that she is only a temporary coz she is a married woman.Should I just listen to him and wait until he end his relationship with this woman.I been so sick all his excuse his been cheating on me for 9 months now. I tried to move but he’ll always stop me and ask me for time to break up with his woman. I am so desperate of advise me what to do and how to approach him.


A: First of all, Liz, let me tell you about a policy I have about cheaters:

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, get the F!@# out of my life!

If it had been ONE time in which he had apologized and promised to NEVER do it again (and lived up to his word!), then I would maybe say, yeah, give him another shot. However, that is not the case.

I'm sorry, but regardless of how long you've been together or how "great" he is otherwise, I must say that what you have with this guy couldn't be further from a functioning relationship. He has repeatedly cheated on you and, worse yet, attempts to justify it. I don't care what the circumstances are, you cannot stay with this man.

I understand that being with someone for 13 years has probably instilled within you a sense of comfort and you might be afraid to leave your boyfriend. You have to, though. At his age, do you really think he's going to magically "reform" and stop being such a scumbag? No. You deserve SO much better in your life, Liz, and although leaving may sound hard, you will be surprised at how quickly you will start feeling happier and better about your life after he is out of it.

My advice to you is to simply leave. Tell him that his repeated offenses have destroyed your trust in him and that you don't think you'll ever have it back. Then leave and do not come back to him. Cut off all contact. I actually wrote another article about how to make break-ups easier, right here.

Never settle for anything less than what YOU want and deserve. Remember that, and I wish you luck.

--Dr. O.

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