Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Just My 2 Cents--Why I'll never marry a man for money: A BS free account

I woke up this morning with an extreme need to do a bit of finance research. Before you get too excited, though, I'll say that the only reason for this madness is that I'm taking an upper division finance class over winter session. Hello, new daily priorities. I'm so over it already.

I came across this article, and the Judgmental Jane in me wanted to immediately sound it off and possibly throw it into the fire. It basically describes how and why women who marry men for their wealth are "smart", basically rehashing idea as a new and innovative one for women. Yeah, okay. But, not so fast: does this article have POINTS?! That I AGREE with? Maybe.

Yes, I agree with being with a man (or woman) who is on your level as far as goals and dreams go. You want a man with ambition, whether that is aimed towards being the CFO of a Big Four accounting firm or towards being the King of the garbage men. A guy who doesn't settle for less than what he really wants is a quality that I can understand women being attracted to. I'm with a man like that myself. It's hot.

I also understand the idea of wanting to marry a "man with a plan", or at least some degree of it. Whether categorically rich, middle-class, or even borderline poor, you probably want a guy who is at least going to TRY and work to sculpt the future into something a little brighter--especially if you want kids. At least have a savings account. From what I hear, they cost about 200K to raise from birth to 18, not including hospital bills or college. To put it simply, that amount is a shit-load. Be prepared.

Finally, it is true that a guy should meet basic needs for himself and be able to hold some sort of a job. A guy should be able to pay the bills, pay his rent, and afford groceries for himself. Times are tough sometimes, and often, a guy could be broke as a joke for a completely legit reason. But laziness or misbehavior should not be one of those reasons, especially if you're in your mid-20s or older. 

I told you I wouldn't BS you here. All of this is true, and you all know it.

Some of you ladies will agree with me but still LOVE to fantasize about the guy who flies you out to Italy in a private jet, takes you out on lavish shopping trips, and buys you a Mercedes. Some will say, "Haley, you can't ever deny that you wouldn't want that! It's every girl's dream!"

No. It's not. Because instead of fantasizing about a man doing that, I'm fantasizing about myself doing that.

Just as shallow, you say--but I'm not depending on someone else. Here's why.

Assuming a rich man "fell in love with you", take a good look at yourself. Hundred bucks says you're attractive. No, a thousand (and that's nearly a third of my current boob job fund, so you know I'm not messin' around). Oh, how flattering, you've found yet another guy who will ogle you for your appearance. Life is good.
But what happens after your precious appearance has gone? Any guy doting on you in such a way is most likely not in it for the riveting conversations you two have about global politics or fine theatre or medical advancements. Rich guys are still guys. They want sex. They're smart enough to know that, hey, money works. The minute your time is up, there's another hot piece around the corner waiting to attach herself to a financially savvy guy like a leech.

But oh, look at you! You may have managed to make it a little farther with Mr. Moneybags and the two of you are getting married--outstanding. You two "love" each other but down the road you realize that he never pays attention to you, he's never there for the kids, and one day, he leaves you for a younger, sexier, child-free woman. He's rich, after all. He can get anyone he wants. At the hopes of this all working out smoothly, it just so happens that you never went to college. Maybe you did, but it's not like you managed to ever find a job that'll reward you with HALF the funds your now ex would. A husband-favoring divorce later (ding ding ding, prenups!), you're on your ass. 

Ladies, this is 2011. Two thousand and freaking eleven. Go to college. GO TO WORK. At least for a while. Everything that I stated above about men is something that women should be doing, too. We are living in a time with amazing opportunities for ourselves and if we put our mind to it, we can live any type of lifestyle we want.

Yes, we all fantasize about having kids and staying home with them and blah blah blah...all good and fine. Some women are meant to just be moms. If you really feel like that, your choice. But don't you at least want to try and go for the job of your dreams? Don't you, perhaps, want to at least consider finding a way to still work part-time while you're raising little ones? Or a job to go back to when they're older? Talk about being bored stiff, waiting for your 16-year-old to come home all day.

I'm not saying that every women needs to go out and try and become some sort of doctor or lawyer, or any other job associated with being "rich". Go be whatever you want, and the same goes for your husband. He can be whomever you wants, and if you're married to him, you should sure as hell admire who he has become. However, if you want the rich "lifestyle", don't go counting on another person to make that happen for you. YOU can do it. If you're dumped, it's a long way down from the top. Just saying. 

Oh, and please don't take anything that I said offensively. Obviously my arguments are full of holes and exceptions, but it's part of my charm. There are plenty of wealthy, kind men out there who are looking for love. In addition, the man you're with now may end up being very wealthy someday--and he'll still be the same goofy, loving guy you married all those years ago. I'm just speaking through personal experience and trying to rally up women to see how awesome and capable they truly are. Allz I'm saying guys, is that we don't need to depend on the men. Besides, how stoked do you feel when you've saved up enough money to buy a designer clutch from Prada and you buy it knowing you're using your own money?! Times that by a thousand, girls, and you've got what it's like to be an Independent Woman.

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